"That Is One Big Pile Of Shit."

Chaos Game

samhoustontheatrecollective — Thu, 09 May 2013 00:55:05 -0400

a man in phoenix with a chronic drippy runny snotty nose and eyes due to chronic allergies was told he did not have chronic allergies or a chronic drippy runny snotty nose and eyes, but that brain fluid was leaking out of the orifices in his face.

and that’s why there’s no crying in baseball.

Chaos

samhoustontheatrecollective — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 16:37:00 -0400

a third grader in my creative writing class wrote a story about her first experience in a port-a-potty. and thats when i knew i would never be as good a writer as jessica.

Central Intelligence Agency

samhoustontheatrecollective — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 16:35:15 -0400

they can see you! hide under the blankets!

Lord Arthur Cayley

samhoustontheatrecollective — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 00:40:03 -0500

its really awesome cool how fucking white people name shit after themselves.

Causality

samhoustontheatrecollective — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 00:18:55 -0500

robert charles gleason jr., serving life in prison for murder, continued to murder two of his cell mates, and promised to keep killing until granted a state of execution by the state. prison can be depressing. certain anti-depressants have side effects of depression. need more pills. a virus is not considered a living thing, but is an organic structure that interacts with living organisms. they are considered “organisms at the edge of life” a virus cannot reproduce on its own, but needs a host, a cell, and his mates, and kills them in the process. and on he goes into the pox party. Pox party: a fun social gathering play date where a horde of children are intentionally infected by their parents with the viral pox. in the hopes that they all fall ill, and can just be quiet for once and we can all watch tv nicely again. depression is often a side effect of anti-depressants. Lost in space. It’s a tv show. in space. If you tried to make a map of the universe, the map would be just as large as the universe itself. the nature of infinity. the average number of objects to stay in short term memory is cited to be ranging from 5-9. how depressing. the mind can be a real prison.

Giulio Casati

samhoustontheatrecollective — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 12:51:00 -0500

i think i have a heart murmur or heart arrhythmia because sometimes when i’m having sex or just staring at a wall the organ that is most important to my being existing just stops and then putters back real quick like, back to life just like my step dads shitty lawn mower that i fucking hated but learned to cope with just as well and i tell myself to drink more water and eat more carrots, and aren’t thumbs cool, and i don’t have health insurance, and don’t worry this isn’t going to be a super progressive liberal rant on health care in this country, although, i don’t know, i can’t promise that, it might be, i’d like it to be, you ever seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where that dude rips that other dudes heart out, my father thought that was appropriate for a five year old to watch. atrial fibrillation arrhythmia is when the electrical activity of the heart is chaotic causing the upper chambers of the heart to quiver. Cardiologist describe the quivering of the upper chambers as the writhing of a a bag of worms. like a giant fucking burlap bag of god damn earthworms screaming, screaming out in madness, but these worm have no mouth and cannot scream as the ancient molded burlap confines bear down on their mucus membranes, and they don’t have eyeballs, but they can sense, they can sense their friends, their families, flailing, contorting violently in the burlap darkness in utter terror and agony, left wondering what kind of a fucking god of wrath and bitterness could create such a spiteful senseless hell, could create a foul wiggling tube of useless life, with ten pairs of hearts, no sensory organs and hermaphroditic, crawling in shit and mud and burlap.

that is my heart.

Mary Lucy Cartwright

samhoustontheatrecollective — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:07:20 -0500

“Although fragile in appearance Mary Cartwright had a fine constitution and could carry a heavy load…” The Times Obituary.

She took mammoth poops and lifted small cars.

The rest of the above sentence says “heavy load of different kinds of work.”

She did not take mammoth poops and lifted small cars.

A synonym for Fraud: Hanky Panky.

Hanky Panky: monkey business or illicit sexual relationship.

She died at the age of 97. She had so much potential.

Peter Carruthers

samhoustontheatrecollective — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 23:28:00 -0500

i don’t mean to be insulting to any group of people or another, but i used to know two kids with down’s syndrome that were also juggalos. they shared ICP hoodies and necklaces and they held hands and loved each other. it was like a retarded sitcom. mongoloid is one fucked up punchy word. be nice. we are all meat computers. sometimes i wish i had down’s syndrome so i wouldn’t have to worry about being happy.

peter carruthers is some dude with a phd at some school probably hates himself. maybe not. i don’t know.

Georg Cantor

samhoustontheatrecollective — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 16:09:00 -0500

Died alone in a madhouse, suffering from bouts of the depressive realism.

He was a mathematician who worked on a theory of transfinites, or infinite numbers. He was proud and shared his work with the world. Get that money.

Math folk were all, “Fuck this noise. Only God has supreme claim to infinity.”

And Cantor say, “Nah, girl, the proof is in the pudding.”

And math folk were all, “Fuck this noise…” ad infinitum.

and this happened on and on and on in a Series, their claims had no value but were infinite lasting,

And the depressive realism kicked in. then out. then in. then out. Almost ad infinitum.

Cantor pondered on a religion on the nature of infinity. Fascinating… until it killed him and he ceased to be. LIMITS.

Cantor Set

samhoustontheatrecollective — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 22:53:00 -0500

~~Psychologists Lynn Abramson~~ and Lauron Alloy proposed a theory of ~~Depressive Realism after a study from 1979. Individual~~s who are de~~pressed~~/super sad town, experience a more real~~istic and cri~~tical perception o~~f their abilities, str~~engt~~hs,~~ sense of sel~~f i~~ma~~ge,~~ relationships, responsibilities, etc. as op~~pos~~ed to ~~tho~~se who not depres~~sed/h~~appy~~/unreal sen~~se o~~f o~~ver self con~~fid~~en~~ce.~~ If your happy and you know it, you are overestimating your abilities an~~d y~~ou can~~‘t do~~ shi~~t. If~~ your sad and you know it you’ll be fine. Just not emotionally. In the Cantor set, as the middle third of each line is taken out and repeated ad infinitum, the line itself has zero length but an infinite amount of points. “This doesn’t make sense,” muttered Sisyphus to his rock. “It’s because your happy,” said the rock.

Cambridge University

samhoustontheatrecollective — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:09:00 -0500

“If there really is a a complete unified theory, it would also presumably determine our actions. And so the theory itself would determine the outcome of our search for it! And why should it determine that we come to the right conclusions from the evidence? Might it not equally well determine that we draw the wrong conclusion? or no conclusion at all?” -Stephen Hawking, Brief History of Time

Oedipus ripped his eyes out. And Sisyphus keeps pushing that rock. But the rock is so pretty and made of chocolate and black holes.

And the black hole rock expands and expands and the free will goes in and its stretched beyond its means from its head to its toes and its very atoms disintegrate and it spins deeper into the hole and where the free will atoms go nobody knows…

University of California

samhoustontheatrecollective — Wed, 05 Dec 2012 23:11:00 -0500

The president of the University of California lives in a mansion, provided by the university. The managing cost of the mansion is over $300,000 a year.

Actual cadavers were used for props in the films Poltergeist and Poltergeist II.

The mansion is built upon a native american burial ground.

According to the E! True Hollywood Story “Curse of Poltergeist” Six people died on the sets of Poltergeist I-III.

The Native American Graves Protection Repatriation Act requires institutions that receive federal funds to return Native Americans “cultural items” to their descendants.

Heather O’Rourke died of acute bowel obstruction in 1988, just after acting in her last film role in Poltergeist III.

Causes of bowel obstruction may be due to impaired rectal sensitivity. Causes of impaired rectal sensitivity may be due to megarectum.

MEGA RECTUM: a large rectal mass, a wide rectum, or any rectum that can hold more than 1500cc of fluid.

Cochise, the Apache leader who resisted and fought against the invasion of the Americans, died of abdominal cancer. I don’t think he could keep $300,000 in his rectum. But I know someone could.

California Institute of Technology

samhoustontheatrecollective — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 12:58:00 -0500

Just Like MIT.

Both have Beaver mascots.

Collectively awarded over $11 billion in endowments and over 100 Nobel laureates.

Both have little tee shirts and flags that say “we are the beavers”

Dried beaver testicles can be used as a traditional Eskimo form of contraception and pain relief.

Calculus

samhoustontheatrecollective — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 23:50:00 -0400

defined as the study of change, or the study of hair that is pubic.

Watch it grow. What is its limit?

Sir Isaac Newton is clipping away at his bits and limits.

Or is it infinite?

Tufts of fur flowing in an oblong orbit?

round the world, round the plural private,

Calculus is it?

Intergral, Differential, Infinitesimal, pubis.

Calculator

samhoustontheatrecollective — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 00:09:55 -0400

80085

a basic elementary school calculator without a square root function is more powerful than the on board computer of NASA’s lunar Apollo Missions.

80085

Butterfly Effect

samhoustontheatrecollective — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 21:15:00 -0400

i teach a robotics summer camp. on a simple lesson on circuits, where children use a hand crank to power a small motor turning a fan, a child theorized that if he turned the crank fast enough, he could turn the motor and fan into a flying helicopter. after five minutes of sweat, no helicopter. i told him maybe if him and all his friends hooked their hand cranks together to one motor and fan, and they all worked together cranking away, maybe they could turn that motor into a helicopter. five minutes of sweat, one broken fan, and six broken hearts later, no helicopter.

have fun voting in the elections this november.

William Burke

samhoustontheatrecollective — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 20:47:31 -0400

in a quantum universe where everything is possible, where the imaginary plane is perpendicular with the real, there is a world where William Burke is a lousy, good for nothing bum, who can’t do nothing for himself, and i am a cosmologist. and the square root of negative one is not i, it is not imaginary, it is simply equal to 3, and in this quantum universe where everything is possible, in this theoretical world, quantum mechanics don’t exist. just the number 3. and i am a cosmologists. and i am good at my job when i don’t have to imagine nothing.

Norman O. Brown

samhoustontheatrecollective — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 02:26:21 -0400

if you strain too hard while makin a poo poo out of your butthole, blood vessels (i.e. rube goldberg ketchup tubes) in the brain (i.e. conductive electrical water jelly sloshin’ around in a bone skull cavity) will burst, causing swelling of the brain tissue, i.e a god damn brain hemorrgage. and man oh man they should write that real big like on the oatmeal boxes with the little quaker man with his little hat.

Brookhaven National Laboratory

samhoustontheatrecollective — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 00:53:28 -0400

Tennis for Two was a video game created in 1958 by Brookhaven National Labs using computers that calculated ballistic missile trajectories.

Because lab visitors were bored. That’s why.

University of Bremen

samhoustontheatrecollective — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 00:11:04 -0400

In an old school in an old town in an old country on a tired continent where old people teach old tired books there is the modern marvel of the Fallturm Drop Tower; an emptied and hollowed tube of 123 meters tall, whose sole purpose is which to drop a bunch of old shit down, to see what happens, academically speaking. Science has come a long way.